Quinten is 8.5 months old. The little dimple on his cheek, the cleft in his chin, the way he be-bops his little body as he sits up confidently. . .
His little dimpled hands that reach up and grab at my cheek as he nurses, the way he leans over to investigate things on a deeper level. . .
I am daily caught up in the gift that he is to our family. He is not taken for granted.
This last month our family got a visit from Patches the Bear. Patches is a little bear that travels around to families who have suffered the loss of a baby. It was started by a mom who lost her daughter and later her husband. Her journey is one that I cannot even begin to comprehend.
The evening that patches arrived in the mail, I took him to Hunter’s room as we said good night. I explained that he was a little bear that gets to visit different families who have had a baby die like Sawyer. I showed him the little journal that travels with Patches and asked him if he would like to have me write something about Sawyer in the journal for him. Here is what he said:
“He died in mommy’s tummy. He came out still. I really love him
and would like to see him in heaven someday” Hunter, age 6
I am continually touched by the little ways that our children remember Sawyer. A recent example is Hunters prayers that Jesus and Sawyer are enjoying heaven together.
The photo above shows patches in our bedroom sitting next to the family plaque that was made the day Sawyer was born and the figurines that were given as gifts in the days and weeks that followed.
There are reminders around the house of our sweet son. Chimes hang outside our dinning room window sent as a gift for his first birthday (such a thoughtful gift). A bonsai tree is in my kitchen given by my Mom 4 Life staff (also from his first birthday).
A painting hangs by our dining room table in memory of the tree that I spoke of in “The Tree and the Secret Wish” post three weeks after he was born (on my “due date”). . .
A willow tree grows in our backyard planted in his memory, a necklace hangs around my neck with his name and birthday. . . I could go on an on.
Despite all the reminders and tributes to our son I find that most of the time I walk gently through the day, not wishing to stir up the emotions. Very often I am successful, but on those that I am not, I am often surprised by how good it feels to cry. The tears of today stream right back to the tears of the past and I am reminded that a mother’s love has no end and that is also something that I have learned not to take for granted.
This Friday I will have the opportunity to speak at our Mothers Of Tots meeting about my journey through grief but most importantly, God’s faithfulness through the storm and the lessons I have learned. If you are a mom in the Coeur ‘d Alene area you are welcome to come. Either way, I would love your prayers.
Mothers Of Toddlers Meeting
3639 West Prairie Avenue
Hayden, ID 83835
Childcare is provided