Let’s have that drumroll again: gender discovery part 2

April 11, 2011

Back in January I had an ultrasound.  The gender of our baby was put in an envelope to await the return of my husband from Mexico.  After his return, we joyfully discovered that we were having a girl.

Two weeks ago I had some light spotting and went to see my doctor.  After an exam and a non-stress test, it was determined that everything looked good.  No specific determination for the bleeding was found and I was asked to follow up if it returned.  A few days later the spotting did return so I went back to see the doctor once again.  This time they did an exam and then an ultrasound.  Thankfully, once again, the baby looked fine and they saw no explanation for the bleeding.  The ultrasound technician did however discover something unexpected.  From what I have been told, this technician really knows her stuff.  She has been doing ultrasounds for YEARS and apparently has pioneered some important things in her field.  That said, after doing ultrasounds for a few decades, I got to be the first “incorrect” gender prediction she has made.  We are not having a girl as we were first told.  The shocked technician checked, then double-checked and then triple checked to confirm that we are definitely and surely having a boy!  She kept shaking her head in disbelief while saying “I can’t believe it, I had a perfect record until today!”

She wasn’t the only one who was shocked.  I found myself dealing with a mix of emotions.  The logical side of me was overjoyed that the baby was doing well.  The emotional side of me was in denial that this was really happening.  The logical side reasoned that ‘boy or girl’ doesn’t matter.  The emotional side of me really wanted the girl we had been told we had. The logical side was frustrated that I even cared, the baby was still alive, isn’t that enough?  The emotional side didn’t care what the logical side thought.

It would have felt entirely different to have found out we were having a boy after the first ultrasound when emotionally I was “ready” for the news to go ether way.  But after having more than 8 weeks to bond with the idea of a girl made it a different scenario.  Of course, had I not had any bleeding, this discovery would have come in the delivery room which would be shocking on an entirely different level.

When I stripped it down, the main issue was that I don’t have a sister and wished I did.  I wanted a sister for Ashlyn.  I loved the idea of each of our children having both a sister and a brother to bond with.  I felt Ashlyn’s loss in this news and that saddened me.  I believe that all children are a blessing, but they are not all the same.  Having all brothers is not the same as having a sister and I felt that reality sinking in.

Trent took the news much better than I did.  “It makes no difference whatsoever to me if it is a boy or a girl,” he said.  While I was glad for him, it made it more difficult to share my complex feelings.  Ashlyn was present when Trent first found out and not surprisingly, his comments about the “good news” of having a brother was not as convincing as intended.  It has taken the kids some time to adjust to this shift in expectations.

If there is one thing I have learned though my journey of motherhood it is that God is in control and I am not.  Trusting Him with my family needs to be faith driven, not circumstantial.

-Ruth’s initial bleak circumstances transformed into something of enteral significance when she choose an attitude of faith instead of fear.

-The Israelites’ faced an impossible situation when standing at edge of the Jordan River, but they stepped forward in faith and discovered a faithful God was waiting to provide.

-Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego’s circumstances were anything but pleasant, yet their faith in God’s provision remained steady.

Although my own situation pales in light of the above examples, my God is the same as is my need to trust in Him.  As much as I like to think I know what is best for my family, God alone is able to claim such knowledge.

Therefore I choose trust, I choose gratitude, I choose faith.

And I choose to move the bookmark in my baby name book from the “girl” to the “boy” section, after all, blue is the new pink, haven’t you heard? :)

How about you? Did you choose to find out the gender of your baby?  Are you glad you did?  Was it correct?  What were your feelings upon finding out what you were having?  Did you deal with any “complex emotions”?  Oh, and do you have any great boy names to suggest?

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