Having three babies in under four years, meant that for quite a long while my season in life was steady, constant and well defined. Make babies. Give birth to babies. Take care of babies. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
When we set out on our parenting journey we were very set on the idea of 2 children. Then we had our first baby. We were completely smitten and knew two just wouldn’t be enough for us. Twenty months later we welcomed our second child. And even in the moments immediately following her birth, I knew I wanted to do it all over again. And just over two years later we welcomed our third little one.
Once we decided that we definitely wanted more than two children, we never landed on a definite number that we were working towards. We always felt like we’d just kinda know when it was time to be done. And let me just say, adding in baby #3, rocked.my.world. And for the first time since I began havin’ babies, I started thinking that I wanted to be done. In fact, my first words following his birth were, ” I never have to do this ever again!” It took me about 18 months to regain my footing, but once again that all too familiar longing for a sweet new babe slowly began to return.
It’s been 2.5 years since the birth of my youngest, and I find myself smack dab in the middle of a very different season. My maternity clothes have found their way to the attic. My baby wearing gear is no longer needed. And diapers are a thing of the past…can’t say that I’m too sad about that one : ) We haven’t officially decided that we are ‘done’, but given our previous track record, it sure does feel like it. My husband and I are in agreement that we’d love to have another baby someday, but we are both very confident that this just isn’t the right time. And yet, for the past year I’ve been secretly hoping that God would chose to bestow us with a little, unexpected blessing.
And I’ve found myself in this land of limbo. Hoping that maybe just maybe ‘this’ would happen even though it wasn’t in our plans. But I’ve recently realized that in that hoping, I’ve been holding tightly to my past season, and fighting to embrace my current season. And I know that a large part of that is the fact that my present season is just.plain.hard. I feel lost and unprepared. My confidence is greatly shaken. But having babies? That’s old hat for me. I’ve got that season down. Let’s go back there.
I recently had a moment of revelation while shopping at a local thrift store. Isn’t it funny the way God chooses to speak to us sometimes? I was quickly thumbing through some summer dresses, when I stopped on the most adorable maternity sun dress. I paused and held the dress in my hand, and for just a moment I let myself ‘go there’. And ever so softly, I heard a whisper in my heart, You’ve got to let that season go. Tears sprung to my eyes, and I knew there was deep truth rooted in those words.
From that simple little moment in the thrift store, I became inspired to stop looking back and start moving forward, even if it hurts. That meant getting rid of all those maternity clothes and baby clothes I had been holding onto ‘just in case’. It also meant embracing my current season, even though it’s not where I want to be. And currently that looks like: finding ways to deal with the stress, grabbing onto every resource that I am led to, and being real and open about my struggles.
I want to encourage you today. Whatever season you are in… Embrace it. Own it. Live it. And ask God to bless it…I’m pretty sure he will : )
“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven.” Ecclesiastes 3:1